There's a Thing about Abandonment

On this day, 1/8/2014, I watched a movie of an anime "Detective Conan". 

Putting the whole case thing aside, I liked this scene the most, it just touched me:

                                                                                                        "I'll absolutely find you no matter how many times you get lost"

- There's something about him, Shinshi Kudo I mean. He has his special type of romance, and a special formula of romantic words.

And there' something about their whole love story, the entire Ran/Shinshi platonic love. He got apart form her, he ran away.. He left her. Yes, abandonment. There's something about it. I think despite how hard and bitter it is, it's simply the best part of a love story ever. When one of the two gets apart for no reason, and without the other knowing where he is or what's doing, especially in their case, they used to call each other occasionally only.

There's something about setting the fire of love to a little rain, so that it doesn't get so heated and the two get bored, and I said rain because it will fall and water the little leaflets of one's heart. Little rain drops will keep falling on one's heart, and what's better than waiting for rain from time to another? What's better than having someone to wait for?

There's this euphoria in letting the plant aroused by little drops of rain, so that it appreciates the whole water jar when it comes, and learns how to live on the very sufficient little, not the extra much..  There's that ecstasy when you receive a call or a letter from that one, or finally you receive any sign of them..

Yes, it's very hard I know, maybe I'm talking like that on the account that I've never tried being in love, so maybe it sounds fabulous for me, the feeling. Maybe it's like hell for the lover. But the thing is, if your love is great,  and your memories are greater, you'll enjoy missing them. You'll have that room in your mind for creating imaginary world with them. You'll have that part of your mind that doesn't think about anything or anyone but them, much more than when you used to be together enjoying the thick and thin.

There's something about abandonment. And it's trust. Believing. Believing that your partner will come back no matter what. Believing that your love was strong enough that he obviously had no choice in getting apart, he undoubtedly didn't do that in purpose, he thinks about me, he's fine, I'll keep praying for him..

There's something about abandonment, which is prayers. You keep praying for them to be fine and in the guards of God. You keep praying they're in safe hands. You keep praying for them for the odds to be in their favor. You keep praying that they quoting Amazing by Janelle said:

I hope your tears are few and fast

I hope your dreams come true at last

I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on

I hope you wish on every star

I hope you never fall too far

I hope this world can see how wonderful you are

"I hope you find love that goes on and on and on…" This prayer has touched me the most. Yes, you pray for them to find everlasting love even though it's not you. And that's the point here.

There something about abandonment, and that's sacrifice. It's cancelling your ego, it's cancelling narcissism. You learn in abandonment to accept the fact that they may love someone else, you face the fact that you're just now a fleeting memory but you accept it. Your love was strong enough to not depend on you both, it depends on one's happiness even if it's not with you. It depends on loving the other more than you love yourself, so it doesn't matter whether their happiness is with you or not. It's altruism.

There's something about abandonment, and that's missing. The feelings of missing someone –I only guess- are far better than the feeling of being in love with them. The feeling of missing someone and telling your pet about them. The feeling of missing someone and talking to the sea about them. The feeling of missing someone and writing about them. The feeling of missing someone and wishing upon a star. The feeling of missing someone and having the chance of recalling your memories together. The feeling of missing someone and praying for them. The feeling of missing someone and singing for them. The feeling of missing someone and finally recoiling…

There's a thing about abandonment, and that's testing whether it's true love or not, whether you were only together to feed one's defect and imperfections and that hole. The hole of teenage love that needs to be filled and blocked with any kind of love*

*In my case it's blocked with Allah's, my parents, and fictional characters' love.

There's something about abandonment, and all those little things in abandonment, those calls, those letters, those feelings, those illusionary worlds, those memories, this kind of love, this infinity.